Personal Performance

one disturbance , can screw up a good experience for a lot of people. Same thing goes for a person and all the internal psychological interactions. 

I was at a small concert. To see a band I really wanted to see for a long time. And I was focused on enjoying the songs and everything. I'm sure everyone have some sort of similar experience. Then some motherfucker drunk started to dig his way forward in the crowd. The place was packed. He just pushed and moved his way forward and everyone he pushed would just look at him and think : "What the fuck is he doing?" . The first time I thought to myself that he might be a fan and he really wants to get closer. But he would just get closer and then go back. In one of the most stupid loops I have seen in my life. He would just move in the crowd, Probably just to fuck my enjoyment, and other people's too. Even though he might have been just some drunk who did not know what he was doing. The results are the same. One recurring disturbance and your enjoyment will be reduced to a minimum. 

In order to be optimistic. I have to say that sometimes one disturbance can turn a shitty experience to a good one too. I just don't remember any right now.

Anyways. The story reminds me of myself. Internally I have feelings and thoughts and motivations and goals and a whole list of semi known and unknown elements. And sometimes I want to do something. Or  just want to enjoy something. And Sometimes that disturbance happens internally. Some thought, idea, or feeling might ruin a lot of stuff. The interesting thing is all the actors are me. A whole group of drunks and sober people at a concert listening to a one man band that is also me. And one of them drunks  will move around ruining my concert for me. 

I like reducing my life to a concert.

That's why every time that drunk dude would push me to get closer to the stage and then go back. I laughed and cursed. I didn't push him back. I don't know why no one did.

How narcissistic we all are at some point .  

Welcome to my personal performance dear friend. Just be careful, That fat drunk mother fucker is standing over there and is coming towards you. And you are not going to push him back. 

Pigs and Ignorance

I was discussing something with my boss. Not a work related issue. Just some issue that I though was interesting to talk about. And to be clear the discussion was related to urban planning and it was also about a black neighborhood in Chicago. So I was talking about my opinion and how I thought that new development in that neighborhood was not cool. She agreed with me to some extent. But then at some point when I used the phrase "Food desert", She got all mad and started to say that I don't know anything. And black neighborhoods are "everything desert" and kept saying : " You don't know anything about this".

Well ... I responded with a loud tone : "I KNOW ABOUT IT, I AM AN URBAN PLANNER" . 

And this was probably the only time or one of the only times that I have used being an urban planner or being anything else as a tool to win in a stupid debate. 

 It felt good. But I usually don't act like that . It is a shit move that a lot of people use and it really fucks up conversations. Not that I care  about making a conversation or anything. 

I also used phrases in a class debate that I usually don't use. Something like : " This is the exact meaning of ignorance and self importance" . I don't really remember why I used those phrases but the debate was about environmental planning and saving the earth or something. 

Well... It feels good to act like a dick in conversations. Especially when other's act like dicks.

Some random remarks on different stuff :

It's either most people are ignorant or stupid, or most of them are not. 

I'm gaining confidence about my knowledge on some subjects. Feels strange. Feels like boredom.

I've been trying to write something and this is the best I can do now. My mind is all occupied and fucked up thinking about personal stuff.

It's not even  important if I write or not. 

I'm listening to a song that goes like : 

Big man, Pig man,

Haha ! charade you are. 

wooooooooooooooooooo !

Its called : Pigs , Three different ones !