A pancake story that you don't know about, a letter to someone I knew.

Well,  It's unbelievable, the series of thing that happened in the past few minutes that got me to think about writing this "letter" .

I'm on a plane, reading Franny and Zooey, I was exactly at the part where Zooey is reading the 4 year old letter from Buddy. To be more specific,  where buddy writes the haiku like poem left in Seymour's hotel room after he committed suicide:

The little girl on the plane/ turned her doll's head around /to look at me.

.... At the same moment,  my shuffling Playlist starts playing famous blue raincoat.Two beautifully written letters, At the same time.  And that got me all emotional and nostalgic. I closed the book and started writing this. And I'm still not even sure i know what I wanna say. Now,  heart attack in a layby is playing. Wierd...

Whenever I call a mutual friend. I ask about you. They don't say much. I don't even know why I ask. I used to ask you directly. Maybe until a week ago or so. I would use some sort of technology and exchange a few sentences with you.

Now I just think about it. And I just  finished reading Franny. remember I used to say you are really similar to her character,  no wonder you love that book. She has a lot of opinions,  you do to. And she tells her boyfriend  : could you please not analyze everything to death?
You used to say that too. I don't wanna say much about that. It's a great book.  Regardless of that. And you don't agree with me. Or do you?

I don't know why, whenever I think about this. I remember that cafe we used to go to. Mukachi?  I specifically remember that day. When we discussed "love". And I thought I was successful in our argument,  saying love is not anything holy. It's just something that exists. Like other stuff. Like friendship. Or any other bullshit concept we talk about. And we could just let it be. We could just let it happen and then play with it. At least it worked that day.

I don't think you changed your opinion, ever... I don't think I did too. Throughout all these years. I mean we don't even speak anymore. I even fell in love a couple of times here. Hehe. Pakatchi said I'm special the other day when I was telling him about it ,  when he was drunk,  and I was drunk too.

I just listened to Bobby brown. And now I'm your man is playing. I still constantly think about these stuff. If you are on a nice mood,  you might say don't do that to yourself. With a smiley. Or if not you would just say : why?

I really wonder. I really wanna know what's going on with you. Out of curiosity. Your Twitter account is too encrypted.  I don't even care that much anymore. I mean...  I do care.  You are too stubborn. You have strong concepts and ideas about your life and how everything is  And should be. I have strong ideas about humans and how they are. Two different approaches. I'm still interested in what happenes.

I'm still analyzing. A lot. I have a lot of stories to tell now though. Remember when you and Hamed knew all my stories. Even all my toilet chronicles? Hehe. Now I have the pancake story.  I have the back ache story. And i made new friends too. And I tell everyone that I'm a lesbian. That's just some of it. Have you ever looked around?  In the real and virtual world?  There are a lot of artifacts around...  Floating around...  Of us. I mean I even found the necklace you had someone make for me which I never wore and then lost. It was nice to find it.

It seems like my letter is not  turning out like buddy's. Or maybe it is. In my head I have a lot of stuff I want to say. Things of "how dare you say these to me"  nature.  You know what? 

By the way,  I spoke of Hamed in my letter and our plane got delayed another extra hour while we are already  in the plane. The weather got all fucked up.

I would never write any of this if I wasn't reading franny and zooey. I owe this to you. That's why I thought  I should say something. Even though this scattered and shitty. You made me read this book. I still read it every few months. I'm thinking of a way to call you. With a fake identity. And talk to you. And give you  advice. Like zooey did. Hehe.  I shouldn't give this away. Shit.

Look...
If it was a couple of days ago. I would just ramble about logic and shit. But I don't have any of that in me. I'm miserable...  I guess. I mean I'm alright. I'm not empty At all. I have fun. I feel. I even fall in love every once in a while. And I still think about you from time to time. Hehe.

Is it ironic?
Am I ironic?
I basically didn't say much anyway.

I hope everything I think is right for you happens to you. If possible,  exactly like I want it.  I even hope you change. I really do.

The plane is starting to fly.  And ground control to major Tom is playing. I swear. And the Stars look very different today.

Well. I'm going to imitate something we both like.... "What can I tell you?... " and goodbye.

Sincerely, 

D.  Kordeone

Afraid of bicycles

I'm afraid of bicycles. Specially the blue, slow and heavy ones that you sign up for and you can use em through out the city. They call them shared bikes or something. Divvy.  Fuck divvy. It sucks because these bikes are probably the only ones that could not really make you hurt. But you see,  I fell off one of em once... I told everyone there was something wrong with the bike and it suddenly stopped working. Well...  That is partially true. I believe it is not completely true. Or false.

You see. I normally don't ride bikes. Even though I probably love bicycles more than most people. For me. They are kind of similar to girls. I've broken, lost, or fell off so many of them that I'm not completely confident riding them or having them. Even though I know that I'm perfectly capable of riding. I'm even actually pretty good. Even though I might not look like it... 

I've had four bikes stolen from me when I was younger. When the fourth one got stolen,  I think I was 11 or so. I wrote a letter to Iran's president at that time and complained about inequality and how he should raise salaries for teachers so they could be better teachers and raise fewer thieves in my city . I was naive.  I owned my last bike a few years ago and i just left it for some asshole to use it When I left . I didn't ride it that much anyways. It was pretty, but it was uncomfortable  and it used to hurt my ass. also  the security people in my undergrad University wouldn't let me in campus with my bike. They said it's not safe for other people. But they let cars in.

Anyways,  that was the last time I owned a bike. When I moved to Chicago, they started this bike sharing system which was nice. And I used it. As I said,  I love bikes,  but just didn't want to end up hurt and bikeless. That sharing system solved the problem. There wouldn't be any  problems.  So I got myself a key.  And boom. My lazy self from time to time would ride a bike and have some fun.

Until that day. I was riding to meet someone...

For some reason  I was happy and energetic. And was riding kind of fast. I was pretty close when I saw a big hole on the ground. Instead of crossing it like a normal human being I tried to jump it. Which I did successfully.  And then boom. I fell off the bike on my face and my sunglasses left a mark on my face.

When I stood up I was in pain. But looked around to see if no one is laughing. Be a use I'm sure it would be a hilarious scene to see someone like Me fall off a bike.

I walked the bike to where I was supposed to meet someone to tel her I gotta go change n everything.  She asked if I was alright. I said yes.  And told her the bike was all fucked up and I would be back.

I left. Put the bike back at it's dock.  Changed. And went back. For some reason I wasn't happy anymore.  I was not said either, even though I tried to act cool.  Even though I was basically fine and could be much worse.  Even though it was probably my stupidity that made me fall, that's regardless of how the bike was fucked up or not.

I went back to the bar where I was supposed to meet someone. I sat down. Ordered a beer. She told me how she was happy with this guy she was going out with and I wasn't even listening. I ordered a beer and kept on acting like I wasn't in shock.

I still love bikes. I...
Every time I ride bikes I enjoy it. And I'm afraid the whole time. Even though I know I wouldn't fall and That one time was probably my own fault.

You know...  Bikes are kind of like girls. At least for me.

And this was not why I started writing this...