I play an instrument. Bass guitar. I've been playing on and off for 8 years now. Still, I'm not sure whether I chose bass because I liked it or I just thought I couldn't play guitar well. I'm not sure what was it. Bass is a weird instrument. Most of the times you are an important part of music as a bass player. You are even essential. But you are in the background. You are part of the idea. You are part of the structure. You know what I'm saying?
The only time I played in a band was the first year I started playing, and it was for three days. It was fun. I couldn't play bass even remotely good. I learned how to play for whom the bell tolls by Metallica. And we played it a couple of times. It was fun. The other songs we played, I didn't know how to play, they were simple. But I didn't learn. I acted like I did. I air played the songs with a real bass guitar in my hands. Oh well. I still have the videos of those basement days somewhere. I sang fade to black. And some other songs too.
I kept playing bass by myself, for all this time. I'm relatively better now, much better. But I still don't know how to play a song completely. I still know how to play for whom the bell tolls. And That's it. I know some parts of a lot of songs and I also can improvise much better. I can create bass lines. Or can I?
Whenever I play, and I play regularly, I start with an idea (I really want to compose new music) and then keep adding to it , the problem is I keep adding stuff to it and changing it till i don't even remember what it was at the beginning. I always end up sleeping after two hours of playing with something far worse than the initial idea.
Boredom. In addition to wanting to maintain a minimum value for my music ( feel free to insert other activities instead of "music", say... "Relationships", be creative replace "people" with "bass guitar") makes me repeat this process. And be disappointed most of the times. Some sort of disappointment that also gives you a minimum amount of satisfaction because you have some sort of ability.
I've done a lot of interesting stuff in my life though, With other people mostly. And I've mostly been an essential member of those interesting activities. But other people have e different ways of doing stuff... Ah... Forget other people. This is a half narcissistic half self loathing text.
I still have a shit ton of ideas everyday and I mostly forget them in a while AND come up with new ones. This is it, this is my mediocrity. This is my genius and my stupidity. Ideas matter, but ability to take action is a better skill to have. I still analyze people and always find out what are their inconsistencies. I never use them to my own benefit. I just want to know that I'm different and better than everyone, even you. Wait a minute... I lied, I do use my knowledge of you to my own benefit. I just want other benefits these days. I don't really want to be better.
I play an instrument. But...
I'm not interested in knowing what's the real reason behind your actions anymore. Even though I think I know a lot about it. But.... I'm going to keep agreeing with you, thinking you are art, while you think you are smart.
I watch to much house these days.
Buhahahahahahaha.
No comments:
Post a Comment