"Level of Connection". A story , not a letter to a friend or any of that shit.

First of all , I'm physically and mentally tired these days, So I couldn't even think of anything to write ten minutes ago. That is before I thought of writing this.

i'm at work. I should not be paid for something that I'm not doing. But similar to what Louis CK said in one of his bits, Lets just love ourselves with just the thought of being honest.

It was starting to rain last night, and it was beautiful and all. Really beautiful. A few different conversations that I had with my roommate and my friend, reminded me of another friend at home. And a whole nostalgic feeling hit me. And I remembered what a phrase that he used to use.

I'll get back to what he said later.

 I was really hungry too. And I was tired as I established before. And I was thinking of going to a art, BYOB, music thing.

"Hey, Do you wanna go to this art thing that we want to talk about ? " I asked my roommate

"No I gotta go to work early tomorrow" He said.

"huh ? whats it got to do with that man ? Your job does not require thinking. I think you can show up to work hungover?" I replied

"Well that doesn't matter, Sometimes it is harder to be hungover at jobs that are like that" My other friend said

And we all dropped that conversation . I don't remember what we talked about after that.

So I went and laid down on my bed. My fiend was sitting on the bed and we were having a discussion about some style of music and whether that style requires creativity or not. And I played some basic notes on the music that was being played with my instrument. And some noise that was created by my instrument was added to the music. By noise I mean some malfunction of my instrument. So I asked him whether he can fix my guitar.

"I'll take a look at it , But I definitely, Cannot do it"

You know , When you write it down . Its clear . he said he could not do it . but with his tone, And the fact that the conversation was in Persian . I was confused. I didn't know that he meant he definitely cannot do it ( 100 percent sure ) or he cannot definitely do it ( not sure if he can do it). And I was trying to explain that. And I was not successful to explain my confusion. At all.

" These two that you are saying mean exactly the same, You and all your explanations" My roommate said something like that. And that messed my head up. I remembered my friend from Iran at that moment .

And that conversation was dropped at that point too
.
"Our level of connection is really low" My friend used to say. And I'm not sure whether that phrase really means anything in English or not. what it means is that i'm saying something and you are thinking something completely different. And I also really missed him at that point.

So I went out in the rain and cooled my head and had a burrito, And went back home. I went to the kitchen and started to wash the dishes. after a few minutes my friend came to the kitchen.

"I'm going to sleep, I gotta go to the work that requires no thinking tomorrow" He said with a strange tone.
"Haha. Those kinds of work are the worst kind, Mine is the same"  I said.

He went to sleep and then I realized the what he said was a reference to what I said when I was asking him to go to the art drinking thing. And that fucked my head again. Cause my intention of saying that was to say that our works don't really matter. we can get there hungover. And what my sentence implied to him was that I was probably making fun of what he does. or something like that. Fucked my head, both for saying something that caused misunderstanding (Which can be avoided) and someone not understanding something that I thought he would.

"the level of connection was low" last night, As it is low in most of the times. I mean people misunderstand each other frequently. And there are lots of reasons behind that. And this is so shitty. I know but it is the way we are. Communication for most times is a difficult thing to do. Understanding is even more difficult.

This shit sometimes get scary . Even though it's just overkill .

"Cold silence
has a tendency
to atrophy any
sense of compassion
between supposed lovers,
between supposed brothers."